I want to take the time to explain one thing
I get so many emails and inquiries so let me take the time to clear something up. I am a male to female transgendered person, I consider myself female as I am attracted to men, I have had boyfriends in the past but I am single right now. I work hard trying to feed myself and keep my air conditioning on down here in Texas. It isn't easy, I have been fired from my job because of my transition, I have had men in cars throw things at me, I have had people stare and laugh as I walk past them, and I have had men use me for physical excitement and one get really angry when he realized I was not his blow up doll for the night and beat me up in his car. My neighbors are two single girls and they yell ugly things at me from time to time as I am simply laying by the pool or going to get my mail. And going to the grocery store, trying to find shoes that fit me, going to the doctor when I am ill, buying cosmetics at Wal Mart, going to the bank to open an account and then make a deposit or withdrawal, getting stopped by a police officer and having a drivers license that says Male, even just going to a public event like a festival or fair is a major chore. And try going into a lingerie store and get fitted for a bra that actually will fit me and do it's job, there are mean people in this world.
This is my life, and you would think it was horrible but it really isn't. Imagine waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror, seeing a person there that wasn't how you saw yourself. I am finally waking up every day and seeing the person I truly am, although I wish was prettier. But I am happy, very happy. God is good, he will provide, this is something I hold dear to my heart. Sure things are hard but God never promised us life would be easy, just that it would be a better and happier place if you turn it over to Him.
I am lonely though, you have no idea how hard it is to meet a guy who truly wants to be with me for me and not just because I have breasts, a penis, and wear womens clothing. It is amazing to me how so many see someone like me and they think I am some sex starved person who would just love to go down on them and service them so they can get off and leave and go back to their wives. I am a human being, I have feelings, I experience joy, sorrow, excitement, depression, love, hate, jealousy, animosity, tension, and elation just as you and everyone else does. Crazy huh? I mean, wow, this person is a human being in those high heels! What a concept.
What do I want in life? I want a good job that I am not oppressed or discriminated in where I can go to work, work hard, make my company and myself money and have security in this world. I want a man to make me fall in love with him, to hold my hand, to laugh with, to lay on the couch with as he rubs my feet and I feel intimacy in a non-sexual way with, and one who loves me for who I am, all skeletons included. I want to feel joy and leave the past behind me with a future that is bright and joyful. I want great shoes, pretty dresses, and a wardrobe that I can feel confident in when I go out into the world. I want a cat, someone to live with me who loves me unconditionally and sees me for who I am and not what society labels me. And I just want a car I can depend on.
This is who I am, I am happy, I am lonely, I worry about the future, I try to forget the past, and I am happy. I cry, I laugh, I bleed, I smile, I frown, and I walk with my head held high as I trust in my God to be by my side as I walk through this life that is special and unique and I wouldn't trade for the world.
Now, when you email me, call me, meet me, I sure hope you read this. Life is short, please bring me joy or go where you will find it yourself and not at the expense of this human being just trying to live each day.
Have a great weekend, love to all
XOXO
Valerie
